Making sure that everyone involved is, at all times, perfectly comfortable with what is happening. Consent is therefore the key to a comfortable interaction for everyone! 😍
Valid consent is needed in any situation involving more than one person and where there could be any physical or psychological discomfort (discomfort, embarrassment, fear, anger, anxiety, etc.); Whether it’s a hug, sex, physical contact, the topic of conversation, information sharing or even a simple presence!
Why talking about the right FIRES?
Previous campaigns “No, means NO” and “Without a YES, it’s NO” made people realize that a NO and even the absence of a YES must be taken seriously and should result in the immediate cessation of the interaction. Unfortunately, these campaigns take for granted that if the person says YES then they are officially and completely consenting, but “Even a YES can be a NO”. Indeed, many people say YES when they would have preferred to say NO. Others, because they said YES at the beginning, keep saying YES even when they don’t want to continue. Therefore, it takes more than a YES to consider a person consenting; it takes a real YES, with the right kind of FIRES!
The acronym FIRES, what is it?
“FIRES” is an acronym that I borrowed and modified from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America‘s “Consent is easy as FRIES”. (Although, I still created the french version myself: RÉELS!) The acronym encompasses the 5 criteria for valid consent. The order in which the criteria are presented is not important (except to form a word that makes sense!). The idea is to help making sure that each interaction meets the 5 FIRES criteria! 👍
Hey, plus the acronym FIRES works in every way! 😮
Check this next section!
Consent, lighting the right FIRES, how does that work?
The acronym FIRES can be used BEFORE or AFTER SAYING or HEARING a YES
If someone asks you a question
BEFORE saying YES to someone or something, make sure all the criteria are met
AFTER having said YES to someone or to something, if you feel any discomfort (physical or psychological), check whether all the criteria have been met or if they are still met. This reflection exercise can help you better identify ailments, improve your communication and even your future interactions.
If you ask someone a question
BEFORE someone tells you YES, make sure your question and your attitude meet all the criteria in order to maximize the chances that the YES you get (if it’s a YES) is the most valid possible.
AFTER someone tells you YES, make sure that all the criteria are continuously met in order to maximize your chances that the YES obtained will remain as valid as possible.
…making sure you light the right FIRES!
Otherwise, it isn’t fun for anyone!
Click on each of the criteria for more explanations.
Yes, I know, not everyone is able or wants to give themselves the “trouble” to check all these criteria before proposing or agreeing to do something (although with practice, it becomes easier and easier, I promise!). But, at a minimum, we should be aware of the criteria that are or aren’t met.
When you realize that one of the criteria is not met, whether you mention it or not, whether you stop the interaction or not, at least you can understand where the error is. You can better understand why “all of a sudden” the atmosphere becomes uneasy or why afterward you regret having done it. Besides, next time, it will help you do better, react faster, or communicate better, and the interaction will then be much more pleasant for everyone. The best way not to redo your mistakes is to understand them!
Cuddle Therapy, to help you
Now, if you want to learn more about consent, talk about your non-consented experiences or practice to better respect your consent and that of others, book an appointment for a Cuddle Therapy Session with me. Thanks to Cuddle Therapy, platonic physical contact can be used to learn consent, even if no physical contact is required.
If you want to help Calia raise awareness and spread the word about consent, visit Calia’s Consent Shop and buy your “KEEP CALM AND ASK BEFORE TOUCHING” T-Shirt (several models available).
Merci à Marta Silva ❤
Les concepts et le texte sont de moi (Alie Valérie), mais sans l’aide inestimable de Marta Silva, vous ne l’auriez probablement jamais trouvé sur internet (Search Engine Optimization) et vous ne l’auriez sûrement pas lu au complet (copywriting)! 🙄 Marta prend le temps de comprendre, pas juste les concepts que tu veux expliquer, mais aussi toutes les émotions que tu veux transmettre. En plus, elle est capable de s’adapter à ton style et à ta personnalité; alors t’as encore l’impression que c’est toi qui l’a écrit, sauf que là les gens ont le goût de le lire (editing)! 😜
Alors, sérieux, si vous avez une histoire à partager, confiez-la à Marta Silva!
(Promis, ce remerciement, c’est moi toute seule qui l’a écrit! 😁)
Chez Calia, la Câlinothérapie consiste en un espace sécurisant, attentionné et sans jugement où vous pouvez être vous-même; partager vos histoires et vos émotions; apprendre ce qu'est réellement le consentement par rapport aux contacts physiques et réfléchir à son implication dans vos vies et vos relations.
At Calia, Cuddle Therapy consists of a safe, caring and non-judgmental space where you can be yourself; share your stories and emotions; learn what consent around touch really is and think about its implication in your lives and relationships.
Apprenez à prendre soin de vous un câlin consenti à la fois