5 steps for a self-cuddling session
You need hugs, but no one can get closer than 6 feet? That’s ok, I made you a DIY so that you can learn how to cuddle yourself at home! Try it; you deserve it! 🤗
But first, let’s clarify what we mean by “cuddle” here. Of course, if for you a hug is really just two people holding each other in their arms; well yeah, it’ll seem impossible (but it’s not!) to do it alone, but when you understand that cuddles can be so much more than that, you finally realize all the possibilities! And I bet that among all these possibilities, you will find the one you need!
Types of cuddles
When we talk about cuddling at Calia, we know that it can be a multitude of different types of physical contact and, to give you an idea, here are different factors that we consider when we ask for a hug:
The location: where will you be? On the floor, the carpet, the couch, the chair, the bed, etc.
The position: in which position will you be? Standing, sitting, on the knees, on all fours, half-sitting, lying on your back, on your stomach, on your side, etc.
The body part: which part of your body needs touch? the whole body or just the hands, arms, shoulders, back, stomach, legs, feet, face, hair, etc.
The type of touch: what type of contact is it? petting, caressing, scratching, tapping, squeezing, massaging, tickling, etc. or static (without moving; then it’s just about taking the desired position and simply relaxing there).
The movement: if the contact requires movement, what type of movement is it: repetitive, back and forth, random, linear, circular, etc.
The intensity: what type and level of intensity is the contact? Speed (slow to fast), pressure (soft to firm), temperature (cold to hot), etc.
The duration: how long should the contact last? That is actually a trick question because any contact can only last until one of the people involved wants to stop; in other words, even if you plan to do it for 5 minutes; if after 2 minutes someone wants to stop, you have to stop!
Alright, so now that you have a better idea of all the different way one can cuddle, let’s see how we can make them feel nice on our own. Because I already hear you, in front of your screen, saying to yourself “Forget it, caressing my arm ain’t gonna make me feel any better!”. Of course, it takes more than that! You need a certain context and a certain state of mind for “arm caressing” to actually feel good. And that’s precisely what my DIY is about! So take some time to read it at least once while keeping an open mind; anyway, it’s either that or going back on Facebook, except that Facebook won’t give you any hug …
1st Step: Setting up the cuddle-space
1.1. Setting up the time
Ideally plan between 30min and 1h30 of session + 30 min of preparation, especially for the first times (with time and practice, you will need less preparation time). What’s important is that you plan your time in your schedule to make sure you have nothing else to do during this period and no one or nothing to disturb you.
At the beginning, it is better to plan more time because being able to feel the benefits of self-cuddling can be difficult at first; with practice, it can be done in a short time and even without preparation.
1.2. Setting up the space
Set up your space considering as many senses as you can:
- A quiet space, without noise and/or with nice relaxing music
- A clean, odorless and/or pleasant-smelling space with maybe scented candles
- A pleasant or soft lighting or no light at all
- A comfortable and as equipped as possible space: gather all the blankets, pillows, cushions, teddy bears and clothes that are soft and pleasant to the touch (and to the nose) of your house and make your own cuddle-space. If you have temperature options such as electric blankets or magic bags (hot or cold depending on your preferences), bring them also in your cuddle-space. If you already know what you would like in terms of touch, make sure you have the necessary equipment at hand. If you have no idea what you want, it’s okay, we’ll find that out in step 3.
2nd Step: Disconnect and reconnect
Once you are in your coccon, you have to start by disconnecting yourself from the outside world, from the everyday life, and then reconnecting to your body. Here are some tips to help you:
2.1. Delimit time
Set a timer or an alarm for the period of time that you have allowed yourself and realize that for the next x minutes, you have nothing else to do or think about but your body and cuddling; that the world can only start spinning again when the alarm goes off.
Trick for the alarm: the basic clock application of Google allows you to change the ringtone of the ‘alarm’ option for a music (choose a soft music different from the one you use during your session) and remove the vibration (which can be aggressive). Plus, the music will play in loop for 10 minutes before stopping by itself (the music of the ‘timer’ option never stops), which allows you to save the last 10 minutes of your session for your return on earth (see step 5).
Take 3 deep breaths and enjoy the sensations of swelling and lightness (inspiration) and emptiness and presence (exhalation). With each inspiration, fill yourself with energy and with each exhalation, bring out all the unnecessary thoughts, stresses and such.
2.3. Be aware of your environment
Make an effort to note the sounds you hear; the shapes and colors you see; the smells you smell; the textures your skin touches.
2.4. Be aware of your body
Starting from your toes, become aware of every part of your body; in what position they are, what are the sensations there; are they comfortable (if not, adjust your position); you can slightly move the parts of your body with which connection is more difficult, and go slowly up to your head.
3rd Step: Identify your needs
Once the connection is established, listen to your body to identify its real needs in terms of touch.
Keep in mind that cuddling here can be any physical contact.
So start by listening or looking into your body for what it would like in terms of cuddles. Try to feel if there is a part of your body that would like more physical contact, warmth or coldness. Maybe you will feel the need of certain parts of your body or maybe you will have pictures of specific cuddling position that will appear in your mind
If nothing comes to your mind or if your body is just not talking to you, it’s ok, you can go back to the types of touch section for some inspiration or take the time to answer as honestly as possible each of the following questions:
3.1. First question: Position
Start by making sure that the position you are in is the most comfortable for you at the moment, check in with all parts of your body to make sure they are all as comfortable as possible.
3.2. Second question: Contact
If you had another person with you, would you like them to be in contact with you; would you like to be touched? If yes, go to the next question. If the answer is no, know that it is completely acceptable (and even normal in many cases) and simply stay in the position most comfortable for you and take advantage of this moment to relax and unwind. Taking care of yourself is also knowing how to say no to touch when you don’t feel like it. Praise yourself for listening to and hearing your body’s needs and meeting them.
3.3. Third question: Body part
If you had another person with you and they were in contact with you, where would you want them to be in relation to you? Would it be in front of you or behind, above or below, to your right or to your left, at your head or at your feet? Would it be general contact (as if the whole person’s body was in contact with you) or more specific contact (as if only the other person’s hands or part of their body touched you). In the second case, which particular part of your body would you like the other person to touch? head (face, hair), neck and shoulders, back, chest and belly, back, arms or hands, legs or feet… Once you have identified the body part(s) with which the other person would be in contact, proceed to the next question.
3.4. Fourth question: Type of contact
What type of contact would you like on this part of your body? A static type contact, without movement? With or without pressure, hot or cold? A contact with movement like a caress, a friction, a scratching, a massage. What speed, what pressure, with the palm of the hand, the fingertips or with the nails? Repetitive or random movements, linear or circular, from where to where, etc. Once you have identified the type of touch your body wants, go to the next step or go back to the types of touch section for more ideas.
4th Step: Self-cuddling
Here there are two parts; the first is more “practical”, but the second is the most important (sometimes more difficult, but with practice, you can do it).
4.1. Physical creation of self-cuddles
Now that you have identified the type of touch your body needs, use your imagination to recreate the sensation as best as you can (click here to see some tricks). If you have to get up and rummage around the house, building or going to the store to find what you need, you may want to do the 2nd step again before continuing; but once everything is ready, just go to the second part of step 4 … it’s the most important:
4.2. Psychological creation of self-cuddles
The mind plays a significant role in the sensations that our body feels. It is therefore very important to control your thoughts and adjust your focus. Join the imagination to the sensations. Instead of seeing a bunch of blankets, imagine that it is a person (a person in particular or without identity; as you like). Focus on your squeezing arms, rather than what you are squeezing. Choose the sensations you are focusing on, such as warmth rather than the type of fabric so that it is easier to pretend it is skin. Choose the parts of the body you are focusing on: tell your brain “I feel a hand caressing me” and focus on the part of your body that is being caressed, rather than on your hand that is caressing.
4.3. Evolution of self-cuddles
Keep your focus while enjoying the cuddles and stay tuned to your body’s needs; stop or change touch when you feel the need.
Your first sessions may be less fluid because you may have to get out of your coccon to get additional tools for cuddles that you had not thought of. You may also have trouble keeping your focus on important sensations and joining the contacts to the imagination, but like anything, it is with practice that you improve. So, for the first few sessions, give yourself a chance and be ok with a little awkwardness. With practice, you will be able to cuddle yourself more easily and with less preparation.
5th Step: Gently ending
When the music for the last 10 minutes starts, stay calm and in the same position (don’t get up all of a sudden!). Just start by realizing that your session is coming to an end and that the cuddles will soon have to stop.
If your cuddles were in movement, gradually slow down until the movements stop completely, without changing position.
If your cuddles were in warmth or pressure, kind of full of blankets; gradually remove layers, one by one or section by section so that your body can get used to the absence of the blankets.
If you were in a static position and your body has not moved for a while, start moving it gradually, starting with your toes and working your way up joint by joint to your face.
Take a few deep breaths to re-oxygenate your body and, once your body is awake and accustomed to the outside world and the absence of contact, get up and slowly get out of your coccon.
Now, before you go back to the concerns of the outside world or your cell phone, think about drinking water and eating something good, your body needs that too!
You can start your self-cuddling session in the evening to help you fall asleep for the night (just don’t set the end-of-session alarm!).
You can use your self-cuddling session as a sensual prelude to your masturbation session (sexuality brings other hormones than oxytocin, but it can still feel good!).
For warm cuddles: you can use several blankets together, a warming blanket if you have one (If you want a heavy blanket that can be heated: Nirvana Blanket), a bath or shower with hot water, or, my favourite, the laundry just out of the dryer!
For cuddles with pressure: you can put yourself under several blankets, a heavy blanket if you have one (If you want a heavy blanket: Nirvana Blanket); wrap yourself in a large blanket more or less tightly (buritos style), or even put yourself directly under your mattress (be careful that it is not too heavy for you)!
For fresh cuddles: you can use ice in a ziploc or the frozen peas bag wrapped in a damp cloth (do not put the ice directly on the skin) or put your hands in the freezer for a while until they are fairly cold (can waste electricity) (If you want a heavy blanket that can be cooled: Nirvana Blanket).
For soft cuddles: you can use your hands or soft, light and flexible objects like a feather, a piece of wool, a piece of cloth or clothing, your own hair if it is long enough or even a facial tissue.
For back cuddles: you can use a stick at the end of which you attach something which has a pleasant texture or, for a firmer contact, you can lie directly on something which has a pleasant consistency and texture and move over it slowly.
For cuddles where you’re the one holding tight: you can take pillows and wrap them in blankets to make a big, long and firm enough cylinder to be the size of another person.
Alright, so this is it! Now that you’ve read everything you can either try it or just go back on Facebook; I just hope you’ll find a way to take care of yourself, whatever that means for you. If you can come all the way to Calia, now that I have my hug protector, I would totally love to safely hug you tight myself! If you ever need to talk to someone but in a more authentic way, in a virtual space where there are no judgments nor pressure, or if you want to learn how to communicate better with other people, book a Virtual Session with me. In the meantime, please take care of yourself!